Mothers Day

This morning I heard something that made me sad, its threw me a bit. The man that used to follow my other blog about Mum's illness has passed away, last week, losing his own life to lung cancer. I think we get that consumed with our own grief its easy to forget about those who are going through exactly the same thing, right now. Its jolted me a bit, and has brought a little lump to my throat. How stupid is that? That I can feel this way about someone I didn't know, yet I can't seem to grieve properly for mum. Mothers day was Sunday. I didn't go to the cemetry, Mums name is on the headstone now alongside my dad's name, but she won't be interred until June, so I didn't see the point in going. I havn't had much of an appetite this past week or so, and only sleeping for a couple of hours at a time. Sometimes when I try and sleep, I just lie there awake, thinking, anything, everything whirring around in my head. Then of course I wake up with headaches and tired. I know really I should go to doctors but I really can't be bothered. There have been some days I don't get dressed until late afternoon, and just want to stay in all the time. It such a chore to even go to the supermarket. Other days I'm just bursting with energy and think "Right, lets do this" and can't stop doing things. At church on Sunday it we also had to submit our works for the annual arts and crafts exhibition. I seem to have had a bit of a creative block recently but last week sat down with the computer and forced myself to write something. Where are you now? Would I wish you back? Of course, in an instant. Each day that passes the memories fade distant. No longer will we be able to share the loving words that show we care. I know that life, it carries on, but it’s not the same now that you’re gone. Infectious smiles and cheeky quips, lipstick smeared upon your lips. A mother’s love never fades away, It will stay with me ‘til my dying day. I am thankful that I was there at your end, the last few precious moments to spend. I held your hand and kissed your head, ‘Is that it?’ I said, ‘Is she really dead?’ Months of treatment and still no cure Would we do it again if we’d known before? It bought us time but all in vein, I couldn’t wish that upon you again. It was hard to sit and watch you go to the place people fear because we don’t know If he gave you back for just one day, would it be enough? What would you say? Would you tell us don’t worry, that you are safe. Would you tell us that you’re in some heavenly place? Would you tell us that you watch and listen, and dry our cheeks from tears that glisten? Would you tell us that you’re free from pain, and would not want to suffer all over again? If I had any answers in my head or my heart The belief stays the same, we’re not really apart If I knew you were safe where you had to go Would I wish you back? Painfully, No.